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_________________________________________12 Dec, 1998____
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` ~ )Telnet to Avatar at: avatar.walrus.com 3000
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1. Table of Contents
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Articles
1. Table of Contents
2. Editorial by Dizzy
3. Christmas Name Game
4. Christmas Morning with Kids in the House
5. The Twelve Days of Avatar by Viznabilioki
6. IMMortal Biography: Santa Claus (as told to Dizzy)
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2. Editorial (by Dizzy)
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Welcome to the final edition of the Gaz for 1998! Season's Greetings!
I'll be on vacation for the rest of the year and without network
connection off the coast of South Carolina (I may get on some if Santa is
VERY good to me)
I know that some of us aren't really looking forward to the holidays
because of the stress of being with family, or the loneliness of being
away from those we love at this special time
of year.
Don't cry! Don't pout!! This edition of the Gaz is specially designed to
lift low spirits and to celebrate our diversity. (I've read article 4
three times, and I still collapse in laughter every time I read it.)
P.S., Santa, I've been extradorinarily good this year. I mean *REALLY*
goooooood. Please bring me a little Beagle puppy, and a new Toshiba
notebook computer.
P.P.S., If that's too much to ask for, you can leave the puppy off.
-- God's Richest Blessings on you all, Diz
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3. Christmas Name Game (appeared in Laff A Day, To subscribe
go to: http://www.laffaday.com/forms/)
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An unmarried woman is newly pregnant and gets into an auto
accident. She suffers a head injury and lapses into a coma
for nine months. On Christmas day she awakens in the hospital,
and in a panic asks about her baby.
Her doctor is called in and gives her a mild sedative, then
he sits down to answer her questions. "I'm so happy to see
you recovering", he says.
The woman responds, "Thank you doctor, but what about my
baby? Is everything all right?"
He replies, "Yes, despite your injury, we were able to
perform a fairly normal delivery procedure. In fact," he
goes on, "you've given birth to twins - a boy and a girl."
The woman is very happy and asks when she can see her new
babies. The doctor replies, "Right away, but we've already
sent the infants home with your brother. We'll call and
tell him you're okay. While you were unconscious, your
brother took care of everything for you. He even gave the
babies names."
At this point, the woman gets upset, "Doctor, my brother is
an idiot! What name did he give my little girl?"
The doctor answered, "Her name is Denise."
"Oh, Denise, that's not so bad. What name did he give my
boy?"
The doctor answered, "Denephew".
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4. Christmas Morning with Kids in the House (appeared in Laff A Day, To
subscribe go to: http://www.laffaday.com/forms)
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Things I learned from children on Christmas morning...
If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is
not strong enough to rotate a 42-pound boy wearing pound
puppy underwear and a superman cape.
It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four
walls of a 20 by 20-foot room.
When you hear the toilet flush and the words "Uh-oh," it's
already too late.
Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
A six-year-old can start a fire with a flint rock even
though a 36 year old man says they can only do it in the
movies.
If you use a waterbed as home plate while wearing baseball
shoes it does not leak - it explodes.
A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq.
foot house 4 inches deep.
Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a
four-year-old.
Super glue is forever.
McGyver can teach us many things we don't want to know.
No matter how much Jello you put in a swimming pool you
still can't walk on water.
Pool filters do not like Jello.
VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV
commercials show they do.
Always look in the oven before you turn it on.
Every fire department has at least a 5-minute
response time.
The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earth
worms dizzy.
It will however make cats dizzy.
Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
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5. The Twelve Days of Avatar by Viznabilioki
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On the first day of Avatar my immortal gave to me, an Ulti-Moose in a pine
tree
On the second day of Avatar my immortal gave to me, two lowbies a whining,
and an Ulti-Moose in a pine tree
On the third day of Avatar my immortal gave to me, three angels a cr'ing,
two lowbies a whining, and an Ulti-Moose in a pine tree
On the fourth day of Avatar my immortal gave to me, four buddhas a fading,
three angels a cr'ing, two lowbies a whining, and an Ulti-Moose in a pine
tree
On the fifth day of Avatar my immortal gave to me, five Hands of God, four
buddhas a fading, three angels a cr'ing, tow lowbies a whining, and an
Ulti- Moose in a pine tree
On the sixth day of Avatar my immortal gave to me, six carbs a protecting,
five Hands of God, four buddhas a fading, three angels a cr'ing, two
lowbies a whining, and an Ulti-Moose in a pine tree
On the seventh day of Avatar my immortal gave to me, seven lords a
renaming, six carbs a protecting, five Hands of God, four buddhas a
fading, three angels a cr'ing, two lowbies a whining, and an Ulti-Moose in
a pine tree
On the eighth day of Avatar my immortal gave to me, eight base 12s a
brill'ing, seven lords a renaming, six carbs a protecting, five Hands of
God, four buddhas a fading, three angels a cr'ing, two lowbies a whining,
and an Ulti-Moose in a pine tree
On the ninth day of Avatar my immortal gave to me, nine groupies a dying,
eigth base 12s a brill'ing, seven lords a renaming, six carbs a
protecting, five Hands of God, four buddhas a fading, three angels a
cr'ing, two lowbies a whining, and an Ulti-Moose in a pine tree
On the tenth day of Avatar my immortal gave to me, ten crosses a sanc'ing,
nine groupies a dying, eight base 12s a brill'ing, seven lords a renaming,
six carbs a protecting, five Hands of God, four buddhas a fading, three
angels a cr'ing, two lowbies a whining, and an Ulti-Moose in a pine tree
On the eleventh day of Avatar my immortal gave to me, eleven ciq staves a
healing, ten crosses a sanc'ing, nine groupies a dying, eight base 12s a
brill'ing, seven lords a renaming, six carbs a protecting, five Hands of
God, four buddhas a fading, three angels a cr'ing, two lowbies a whining,
and an Ulti-Moose in a pine tree
On the twelfth day of Avatar my immortal gave to me, twelve chopsticks a
div'ing, eleven ciq staves a healing, ten crosses a sanc'ing, nine
groupies a dying, eight base 12s a brill'ing, seven lords a renaming, six
carbs a protecting, five Hands of God, four buddhas a fading, three angels
a cr'ing, two lowbies a whining, and an Ulti-Moose in a pine tree
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6. IMMortal Biography: Santa Claus (as told to Dizzy)
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Name: Santa Claus
Race: Elf
RL Name: Kris Kringle
Class: Thief (well, not really I guess)
Age: (Game) 4hrs. (RL) ~6000
Current Level: 920 Elder
Real life interests: Reindeer grooming, snow boarding, moonlight sleigh
rides, midnight snacks of milk & cookies, toy making, Burl Ives movies,
red undergarments, giving, making lists, checking lists twice.
Advice for players:
1. Always carry around a big sack; I find them incredibly useful and stylish.
2. Examine that hard little nut of self centeredness inside you, and
promise yourself that you'll perform an unselfish act of kindness for
another MUDder: Take em on a tour, give em a chopstic, group em and run
for a couple of levels.
3. Never turn down a snack.
4. Enjoy the ride. Tension, worry, and stress won't get you there any
faster, and certainly won't be as much fun.
5. Be a blessing by leaving a little sunshine where ever you go.
Origin of MUD name:
I know that you've all read the drivel about the mysterious origins of my
name, and I'm here to set the record straight. Santa Claus is an elvish
cryptogram that quite simply translates to, "AVATAR ROCKS!".
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The Avatar Gazette is what you've just been reading, and it is the
official newsletter of Avatar, it is published weekly by Dizzy, in
conjunction with The Avatar Staff.(Original concept by Asamaro).
The Gazette is written in plain vanilla ASCII text to ensure that
everyone can enjoy it regardless of computer type.
To subscribe to the Gazette, send internet e-mail to
gazette-request@avatar.walrus.com. In the body of your
email put:
subscribe username@hostname (MudName - RealName)
eg subscribe snikt@walrus.com (Snikt - Kevin Jagh)
Your real name is optional for the Gazette list.
eg subscribe snikt@walrus.com (Snikt)
You can FTP back issues of the gazette from ftp.walrus.com in
/pub/avatar/gazette.
If you have any questions, comments, suggestions, criticisms,
compliments, or (best of all) articles that you've written for the
gazette, please send them to Dizzy via my e-mail address:
dizzy@walrus.com.
You can also view the latest issue of the Gazette while playing
Avatar by typing 'help newgaz' anywhere in the game, or by surfing
our web site!
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